FIMBY: Weird stuff that's perfectly normal

This is another installment in our weekly Food in My Back Yard series, focused on edible gardening.

Scene: A backyard vegetable garden, early morning. A gardener in a brimmed hat is lazily strolling through the garden, clippers in hand, when suddenly they shout, "Good grief, what is THAT?" (or words to that effect).

Dear gardener, don't panic. Surprises often occur in the garden, but that doesn't mean they're all bad. The following surprises should be viewed as Nature keeping us on our toes.

Fasciation

A flattened squash vine, a "witch's broom" on the end of an oak branch, a sunflower with an elongated center -- these are all examples of fasciation. While injury or bacteria may occasionally cause these growth variations, mostly they appear to be genetic mishaps.

Here's UC Integrated Pest Management (UC IPM) on fasciation: "A malformation of plant stems commonly appearing as enlargement and flattening as if several stems were fused is called fasciation. Unusual growth, such as a spur on cherry fruit, can also be considered fasciation."

And it's nothing to be worried about -- unless the malformation shows up in more than one plant of its type. Then there is something else going on, such as an insect infestation. 

"Fasciation rarely threatens the survival of established woody plants. Most fasciations consist only of aesthetic damage and the malady is relatively uncommon," say UC IPM.

The site recommends pruning off and discarding the distorted tissue, followed by cleaning the tools used, although some plants have been known to revert out of fasciation. My advice: Take a photo first! You'll want to show fellow gardeners what grew.

Harmless fungus

Ever seen a stinkhorn fungus? 

Flies drawn to the stink of this phallic-shaped growth might be your tipoff to the fungus' existence. It can look gross, growing out of your soil or mulch, but think: mushroom. 

The stinkhorn is the fruiting body of the fungus, which grows on dead organic material. The cap is covered with smelly, slimy material that attracts insects. It is spread through the air -- those flies and other insects help. The fungus is harmless and short-lived, but should be dug out if it becomes too obnoxious, or might be eaten by a curious dog or small child.

Harmless mold

Oh gee, there's a gross foamy pile of yellow near-liquid that looks like the dog threw up after eating four hard-boiled eggs. 

But you don't have a dog? Relax -- it is, in fact, called dog vomit slime mold (Fuligo septica) because of its appearance. 

Here a succinct description of dog vomit slime mold from the Missouri Department of Conservation:

"It has two life stages. The first, 'plasmodium' stage is like a huge amoeba that creeps like a blob over dead wood and other materials, engulfing and 'eating' bacteria, yeasts, and fungi. When ready to reproduce — often when food runs out or conditions become too dry — it enters a dry, dusty 'sporangia' stage, making spores that blow away to start new plasmodia elsewhere."

That is why the slime mold shows up in mulch, especially wet mulch. Our weather is so dry in summer you may never see it. But here's a first-person report from a master gardener closer to the Bay Area.